F A M O U S Q U O T E S
"I don't care what they say, but flower picking is like the most masculine thing that a guy can do. I mean it's just so awesome..."
"I mean, I lived in the frickin' Mages Guild! You'd think I'd learn at least ONE basic Restoration spell, but no! I was obsessed with mastering the art of Acrobatics!"
" 'Talk so funny'? THIS IS AN ANVIL ACCENT, YOU DITZ!!"
"The Way of the Voice is...is kinda hard to explain. You kinda twist up your throat in this certain way, and then you shout through it, and you make a Thuum. Takes years of practice. "
Half Marathon! JKLOL, Breton. But I do totally like to run. Totally.
Anvil. I KNOW, RIGHT? It actually kinda used to be a dump but it reallyreallyreally got cleaned up so it’s all sparkly and fierce now. Seriously, YOU. MUST. GO. There’s the ocean breeze, and the fabulous seagulls, and the sailors are always there hauling cargo? BTND, it is totally spectacular. And yes, I said BTND, not BTED, because that’s how I roll, sister.
Well… here’s the thing. I kindasorta started my own Mage’s Guild in Whiterun? And I didn’t exactly fill out the paperwork on that because The College™ found out about it and they maybesorta shut me down. Where is the HARM, I ask? I mean, yeah I wasn’t really licensed, but whatever! It was right next to where my wife did her apprenticeship (WHOLE story about THAT disaster but I digress because I’m not one to get catty). So it was really noisy and messed up. But hey, I sold like crystals and stuff so we totally made a profit. Oh, you mean now? Occupation… Huh. How about… let me get back to you on that. You square.
Favorite Weapon/Fighting Style
Ew, fighting is so gross. I choose to fight with LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE. Take that, you big meanie. Although… I have been known to administer the occasional hand-to-hand ass whuppin’ when the occasion calls. I mean… if they totally have it coming, y’know?
Magical Aptitude (If Any)
WHERE DO I BEGIN??? Ok, Mysticism. That’s about the alpha and omega of my magical skill, but I’m reallyreallyreally good at it. I am like a human tricorder with my Detect Life awesomeness, I’m like a shiny mirror with all the reflecting I can do with like spells and damage and stuff (they called me “Dazzler” because I totally reflected crap like a disco ball), and I can TRAP SOULS but I don’t do it because it’s kind of mean. Oh, and I can move stuff with the power of my mind. NO JOKE. Funny story there, too. Maybe I’ll get to that later.
Um, I have LOTSANDLOTS of friends and that’s my biggest affiliation EVER. (LOOOVE YOOOOOU!!) I’m also technically a Mage’s Guild member back in Anvil and the Greater Cyrodiilic area, but I’m kinda out of my jurisdiction up here, even though I tried to start an unlicensed chapter out in Whiterun (fail). I was also a charter member of the Greybeards Youth Outreach Program when I was a kid. Dad said he was sending me to “camp”, but “camp” turned out to be four creepy middle-aged dudes who never talked. I say again, creeeeeeepy. Add to that the fact that there wasn’t a female for MILES AROUND, and those that WERE around were, like two miles BELOW High Hrothgar, and you’re talking about pretty much the crappiest five summers EVER.
Rainbows, sunshine, birds, sequins, leather armor from the waist down (HOLLA!!), picking flowers (because it’s kickasser than people would have you believe), books, scrolls, dusty tomes, key collecting, carrying large loads over long distances, running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when I’m up there (props to Eddie Izzard for that classic quip that like totally sums up my life), moonbeams, crystals, butterflies, the way a woman looks when she’s been at the forge all day and she’s all sweaty and maybe a little sunburned on the face and lower arms area… “hot” does not even qualify as an adequate adjective. Ooh. Alliteration. LOVE that shit too. Oops… can I say “shit”? Totally my bad, you guys. Please don’t hate me. Totally kidding. Explicit tag. Shitty shitheel shitbirds on a shitstick. Tee hee hee.
Meanies, haters, intolerance, people who say you’re not good at anything when you’re actually a master of three different disciplines and if they just got to know you as a person they’d realize you have value and how does this society even function when people just judge you and don’t even bother to get to know you? I also HATEHATEHATE it when people bitch at you for run-on sentences. I mean what is up with that? Seriously? Oh, and chicks that assume that “a back rub” is really just a back rub. GROW UP, GIRL. It’s the Fourth Era for Todd’s Sake.
What is your ideal recreational activity?
Makin’ babies. After a long day on the forge. I mean, her on the forge and me maybe picking mountain flowers all day. Or maybe reading. OOH.. Reading ABOUT flower picking. Now that’s foreplay if I’ve ever seen it.
What is your best feature?
My fabulousness. No, seriously. Take a look. Drink it in. You could level architecture with the sharp angles of my eyebrows. My lips are fabulousness incarnate. My shiny head is bowling ball smooth, and just as effective at knocking shit down if I put my mind to it. Get it? With the telekinesis? It’s mystic humor. Probably a little over your head. OOH! Pun!
Let’s be honest. What’s your claim to fame?
The Telekinesis “Scandal” (whatEVER) of 4E187. ‘Nuff Frickin’ Said.