Name

Urun gro-Braagh

Race

Orc

Home Town

Nova Orsinium

Occupation

Captain, Solitude Garrison, Imperial Legion

Favorite Weapon/Fighting Style

Honestly? If you’d asked me this, like, 10 years ago, I’d have said my favorite weapon was cowardice. And I’d have been serious! Nowadays, well, the best offense is a good defense. This shield here… well, you can’t see it, but it’s on my person at all times. This baby and I have been through a lot together. And frankly, people’s faces don’t really react well to it when they get a real close look, if you know what I’m sayin’. Heh.

Magical Aptitude (If Any)

Nah. Never was my style. Magic is too much like… well… studying. I guess. Not that I can’t read or anything. Like “you know who”. I’d just rather do crunches or something more productive. Anything. Picking flowers. Hey, don’t knock it.

Affiliation:

The Imperial Legion. This has been my lifelong ambition and I finally committed to it and followed through with it, gave 110%, and it was hard. Real hard. But man, I couldn’t feel better about myself. I like to think my dad would be proud, but really… he’d find some way to be disappointed. Gods forbid Braagh gro-Urbul actually “braagh” about his kid. Am I right? Anyway, the legion took me in, didn’t give me “that look” most folks give an Orc looking for purpose. Hell, they’re a military institution; greatest that ever existed on this planet, and they were more accepting of me than my people ever were. Kinda makes you think, huh?

Turn-Ons

Law. Order. The Imperium. General Tullius. I mean, not in a weird way. I admire the guy, that’s all. The Uniform. Paperwork. Seriously. I like paperwork. Like, in triplicate. Lists. Lists are so damn cool. Used to be, we’d line up a bunch of insurgents to be executed, and every third guy, they’d wig out and say “He’s not on the list. What do we do?” CAPTAIN! WHAT DO WE DOOOOO???”  🙄 Please. Not on my watch. Here’s a little pro tip if you’re ever in charge of… well, pretty much anything. They don’t need to be on the list, dude. You see a job needs doing, you just suck it up and do it. Whether it’s peeling potatoes in the mess or peeling insurgents on the rack. Just do it. That should be an ad slogan. Just do it. I want a nickel any time someone says that. That’s motivational gold, right there.

Turn-Offs

Crime. Chaos. Disorder. Ulfric Todd-Damn Stormcloak. Ummm… oh. Never shook my fear of spiders. Those suckers still freak me out. Even with the shield. It’s the eyes, man. I’m tellin’ you. Creepy as hell. Ever look up “trypophobia”? Someday when you’re feeling brave, Google that. I’ll do you one better… here’s a link. You tell me that doesn’t make you wanna yak up your sweetroll, I’ll tell you you’re friggin’ insane. And that’s my relationship with spiders. I am not a fan.

What is your ideal recreational activity?

Tactical planning with the general, marching, P.T. up the Throat of the World in full plate (Currahee!). Luge lessons. It’s a shield thing. You wouldn’t understand. Let’s see… crunches, planks, duh. Um… holy crap, lists! Making lists, checking lists, correcting lists, punishing subpar list-makers with mess duty… Gods, I love my life.

What is your best feature?

Aw, I dunno. I’m nothing special. Just trying to do my job is all. Just one little green cog in the great machine that is the Empire, you know? Guess my best feature is I’m doing my part.

Let’s be honest. What’s your claim to fame?

To this day, I suppose I’m most known for scoring 250 hits on a frostbite spider with an embalming tool, which is not a weapon nor a valuable antique, and it still didn’t die. This was pre-shield, mind you. Sucker didn’t kill me either so… I mean… I guess that’s something…

Funny thing is, I’ve killed a whole lot of crap since that day. A lot of ’em even deserved it. But as far as claims to fame go, nothing brings notoriety like repeated failure. You remember that one too, buddy. Do better.